It’s OK to need help

Guest Author: Debra Guckenheimer, Berlin, Germany

I moved to Europe from Missouri with my two non-binary children while disabled and middle aged. I did it on very short notice under some difficult circumstances. Even though I did my research on and offline and people told me that the move was impossible, I knew that I needed to find help to pull it off.

I hired consultants to help me figure out what countries, and then what city and neighborhood specifically could best meet the complex needs of my family. They helped me figure out what visa best fit my situation. I met locals, but just because someone lives in a country does not mean that they know the ins and out of the complicated, shifting, and delicate processes of moving abroad or where to get a gender affirming haircut. A lot of locals have opinions and can tell you why everything you are doing is wrong. A good relocation expert who has experience with your needs can explain the options, give pros and cons, and has resources that can save time, money, and heartache.

I wish that I had someone to help give me information about schools, doctors, and how to navigate some of these hurdles that I never expected encountering.  For instance, I expected all schools across my city to be inclusive and to not tolerate bullying or hate speech. I tried, in the midst of everything else, to find moms to ask questions, but both of my kids ended up moving schools within their first year because of some awful experiences. I trusted the person working at my district, and ended up in absurd situations for my kids and me. Almost every parent I know who moved abroad with their LGBTQ kid had to work through switching schools at least once in the first year. Sometimes that involved having to move yet again.

Having someone with expertise in what‘s available for kids like ours in our city could have saved so much heartache! Honestly, instead of looking at countries and visas, I wish I had started with finding someone with expertise in working with LGBTQIA+ families like mine. Many relocation services are by people who focus on working with wealthy people moving for a job opportunity or someone so interested in selling you on a move that they hide the hurdles.

The cost of starting with a consultant who is equipped to support people like you is so worth it. Moving abroad is an enormous decision, and so many get stuck in presumptions or fears without knowing the facts. We needed to leave and start over, and I did the best that I could. But, my kids needed me to have information that just was not available to me figuring it out on my own. What I would have given to have someone with the information to allow a smoother transition into the community here!

If you are interested in learning more about life abroad with LGBTQ and gender non-conforming kids in Portugal, you can schedule a consultation with Transitions Portugal here.